You ever have a great idea and impress yourself a little by what a smart moment you just had?

Well, I had a mediocre idea that reminded me how unintelligent I can be.

I’ve had an unopened bottle of Orange Crush in my refrigerator for over TWO YEARS. I got it free with some kind of coupon and thought my son’s friends would drink it at his 16th birthday party that upcoming weekend. They didn’t. And no one else did in the greater-than-24 months since.

I cleaned out my fridge on several occasions since then, always thinking, “I need remember to get rid of that.” “It’s been too long—I really need to get rid of it.” But I never did. Why?

Well, I didn’t want to throw it in my trash can, because I was afraid in the Texas heat, or in the rough-and-tumble of the weekly garbage collection, it might explode and make a horrible sticky mess I’d have to deal with. Or the sanitation workers would have to deal with and then be mad at me.

I didn’t want to pour it out in the yard and throw away the empty bottle, because I didn’t want to attack million of ants.

And I could never remember to grab it when I left the house to throw away in a trash bin anywhere else. Which I thought would be the most logical solution—make it someone else’s “orange-crushing” problem. (Ha! See what I did there.)

I legitimately believed these were my only three options. Until last weekend. I’m putting away groceries when my now-two-year-older son walks in the kitchen. I’m complaining that I can never remember to take the aging, carbonated nemesis with me to put an end to it’s clutter-causing chaos.

I must tell you: I can now personally verify “light-bulb moments” are real—because I had just seen the light! “Oh, shit,” I shout. Now my son is actually paying attention to me. “I can pour it down the sink and throw the empty bottle away!” …And then the light dimmed.

It took me two damn years to realize this. IT TOOK ME TWO DAMN YEARS TO REALIZE THIS?!?

I’d been pouring expired milk, drinks left lying around, pickle juice remains, even liquid out of leftover containers down the drain every time I cleaned out the refrigerator throughput the duration of the 2-liter’s re-fridge-sidency. That’s the worst part! Because those clean-out days were the times I was most bothered by the unsureness of how and when I would find away to get rid of that soda!

And if this realization itself wasn’t bad enough, to experience it in front of my son, who’s 18 and already thinks he knows everything, was the cherry on top.

Just when you think you’ve reached that point in adulthood, when you really think you’ve figured out who you are, something like this happens and makes you question who the hell (and what a doofus) are you.